Bad Pick-Up Lines

(gesturing to his nether regions) Ya know, hon, it's not gonna suck itself.
If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me...Please??!!
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind all day.
Is your father a thief? Because he stole the stars from the skies and put them in your eyes!
Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!
That dress looks nice....Of course, it'd look even better crumpled up in the corner of my room.
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven's a long way from here.
Would you like to have breakfast tomorrow? Should I nudge you or call you?
(Check female's shirt tag)....Just as I thought, made in heaven!
Were your parents Greek gods? Because it takes two gods to make a goddess.
Pardon me miss, I seem to have lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?
Nice to meet you, I'm (your name) and you are...gorgeous!
Your name is Sandra, huh? Can I call you Sandy? Really, what time?
Were you in Boy Scouts? Because you sure have tied my heart in a knot.
Have you seen (any movie)? Would you like to?
Screw me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Gretchen?
I'm new in town, could I get directions to your place?
Hi, the voices in my head told me to come talk to you!
Do you know the essential difference between sex and conversation? No, huh...So you want to go somewhere and talk?
That's a nice shirt...could I talk you out of it?
(Female at the copy machine) Reproducing, eh? Mind if I help?
That dress looks great on you...as a matter of fact, so would I.
Hi, I'm conducting a feel test to see how many women here have pierced nipples....
Are you religious? Cause I'm the answer to all your prayers!
(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings.
Are you O.K.? Because heaven's a long fall from here.
You know the more I drink, the prettier you get!
Can I borrow a quarter? Cause my mom told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Was it love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven!
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?
Make a calling card that says.....Smile if you want to sleep with me! Then watch your victim try to hold back her smile.
Hi, my name's (_____), how do you like me so far?
Hey baby! Wanna go get some pizza and screw? What you don't like pizza?
Bond. James Bond.
You know, I'd really love to screw your brains out, but it appears someone has already beat me to it.
You look like the type of girl who has heard every line in the book. So, what's one more?
Her: What do you think of this (dress, sweater, blouse, etc.) Him: I like nothing better.
Walk up to a lady at a social gathering (party, club, etc.) and simply ask, "are you ready to go home now?
At the dinner table, if you eat together, pick up the bread and ask, "Wanna roll?"
That's a really nice smile you've got, shame that's not all you are wearing.
Think you can dance in those shoes?
You're 'No Parking' right? Just trying to guess your sign.
Why don't you surprise your room-mate/parents and not go home tonight?
Good looking waitress pouring a drink: Say when! Guy: As soon as I finish this drink.
Lie down. I think I love you.
I can sense that you're a terrific lover, and it intimidates me a little.
If I weren't so romantic, I'd shoot you.
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love.
My friend and I have a bet that you won't take off you blouse in a public place.
Can you believe that just a few hours ago we'd never even been to bed together?
I know a great way to burn off the calories from that pastry you just ate.
Was your father a mechanic? Then how did you get such a finely tuned body?
You know I really am James Bond's body double.
Stand back, I'm a doctor! You go get an ambulance and I'll loosen her clothes.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Stand back, I'm a police officer! You go call for backup and I'll frisk her!
Do you have a library card? Good, cause I wanna check you out!
Your warm eyes melt the iciness of my heart.
(At church during a sermon) (Put your arm around your gal...) Honey, I don't know where he is....(motioning to the preacher) but I do know I'm here with you.
Baby, you look better and better each day...and tonight, you look like tomorrow!
Here's a quarter....call your room-mate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight!
Baby, you with those curves and me with no brakes! Mmmmm!
Hey baby, whatdya say we go behind that rock and get a little boulder?!?
Can I borrow a quarter? [why?] Cuz I wanna call your mom and thank her!
Let's go back to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway!
My name is ______. Just remember that, so you'll know what to scream later.
Can I flirt with you?
Your daddy must have been a baker, cuz you sure have a nice set of buns!
Is it hot in here? Or is it just you?
Can I have directions? (to where?) To your heart!
I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
So....how am I doin'?
You know what would look good on you? Me!
Excuse me, but I'm a little short on cash, would you mind if we shared a cab home together?
I've had a pretty bad day, and it usually makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
Overheard in a computer lab: Just because our computers are incompatible doesn't mean we are!
Hey, didn't we go to different schools together?
You know, I would die happy if I saw you naked just once!
What's your favourite position on extramarital sex?
I'm really sorry about Al. It was a lovely funeral. You look ravishing in black, did you know that? What you need now is a nice backrub. Are the straps too tight, darling? How tragic. How very, very tragic.
Hello, Susie. Your mom couldn't make it this afternoon, she asked me to pick you up and take you home. My, what a pretty dress.
Excuse me, do you live around here often?
I have only three months to live...
Hi! I'm Big Brother, and I've been watching you!
Where have you been all my life?
In the produce department: "How can you tell if these things are ripe?"
Hey, weren't you Miss Virginia last year?
Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together.
I know milk does a body good, but baby, how much have you been drinking?
Your daddy must be a drug dealer, cuz you're dope.
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
Hey, don't I know you? Yeah, you're the girl with the beautiful smile
Have you always been this cute, or did you have to work at it?
Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often?
As she's leaving....Hey aren't you forgetting something? She: What? Me!
If you want me, don't shake me, or wake me, just take me.
Want to see my stamp collection?
Hi, do you want to have my children? (assuming the answer is 'no') , OK then, can we just practice?
How do you like your eggs cooked? Why? Well I just wanted to know what to make for you in the morning.
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Baby, I'm an American Express lover....you shouldn't go home without me!
Hi, my name is "Milk." I'll do your body good.
Excuse me, ma'am, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
You: I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: No. You: Well then, please start.
I've got the ship, you've got the harbour...what say we tie up for the night?
Wanna go halves in a baby?
Pardon me, what pickup line works best with you?
Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
Can I see your tan lines?
I'm not trying anything, I always put my hands there.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you.
Do you have a map? I just get lost in your eyes.
Do you have a boyfriend? Well, when you want a MANfriend, come and talk to me.
If your parents hadn't met I'd be very a very unhappy man right now!
You see my friend over there? [Point to friend who sheepishly waves from afar] He wants to know if YOU think I'M cute.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
Is it hot in here, or is it just you?
Hey baby, you must be a light switch, cuz every time I see you, you turn me on!
Stand still so I can pick you up!
Hi, we're taking a survey and I need your phone number. If you give it to me, I'll call you and tell you the results.
I didn't know that angels could fly so low!
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!!
Do you like music?(Yes) Good, I've got a great stereo in my car!
Are you looking for Mr. Right, or Mr. Right Now?
I think I can die happy now, cause I've just seen a piece of heaven.
Baby, you must be a broom, cause you just swept me off my feet.
Do you know, your hair and my pillow are perfectly color coordinated.
Baby, you're so sweet, you put Hershey's outta business.
Excuse me do fries come with that shake?
I'd spend money on you I haven't even made.
I would give you more money than a show dog could jump over.
I'd marry your cat just to get in the family.
I can't decide if you are a better person than you are a woman or you are a better woman than you are a person.
I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by you.
If this bar is a meat market, you must be the prime rib.
He: You look like my third wife. She: Oh, how many time have you been married? He: Twice.
Take an ice cube to the bar, smash it, and say, "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you.
You know what I like about you? My arms.
What did you say? Oh, I thought you were talking to me.
So, what are the chances that we can engage in anything more than just conversation?
You make my software turn to hardware!
Was you father an alien? No, why? Because there's nothing else like you on earth!
Baby, I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your Bedrock!
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel?
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart.
You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you stole my heart from across the room
As the sun illuminates the moon and the stars, so let us illuminate each other.
Are you going places or just being taken?
If god made anything prettier, I hope he kept it for himself.
I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours?
Baby, if you were a flower, I would pick you!
Baby, you're so fine, you're my 9.9...
Hey, I just noticed you looking at me across the room. I'll give a minute to catch your breath!
You know, I have a romantic side....let's go back to my room and see how long it takes you to find out!
Girl, you must be a tater tot, cuz you're Orida!
(As they walk past) Why don't you come back here and fall in love with me!
Girl, you've got more curves than a back-country road!
Baby, you're hotter than Georgia asphalt on a summer day!
Hey baby, will it bother you if I sleep in the nude?
She: You're so sweet... He: Well, it's easy to be sweet when you're talking to sugar!
Hi, my name's coffee, cuz I'll keep you up all night!
Hey baby, you look like you need a one-way ticket on the roly-poly express ride of love!
I say your picture in the dictionary today, it was under KABAAM!
I hope you don't mind me giving you this rose, but, I just had to show it how you beautiful you are...
Write a small note, at the end write: "Believe me when I say that my heart cries out to you and if kisses could be sent in writing you would be reading this letter with your lips.